Thursday, August 17, 2017

Scanxiety rears it's ugly head!

I was just scheduled for my routing 3 month CT scan which will happen on Aug 23rd - Abdomen and Chest ---

I already have had recurrence in 2015 and have been clear each time ever since - I get really angsty before my appointments. I know everyone does. It's normal. I just embrace the anxiety and try to keep myself busy with lots of little things every day to keep my mind from going 'there' !

It works for the most part. I am really into organizing and writing in my planners and traveler's notebooks and junk journals and updating them with all of the fun things we do. This is a sort of therapy for me so I am always happy to see journaling supplies, pens, pretty papers, stickers and 'stuff'' that I can cram in my junk journals and planners! I highly recommend it to those who like focus-type crafts!

Right now I am focusing on filling up a journal I created for the trip we just returned from! ALASKA!


Thursday, April 6, 2017

Spiteful people suck!

There will always be someone out there who tries to rain on your parade. What I say is to simply open up your umbrella and keep marching on!!

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Hello 2017

Today (Jan 14, 2017) is Day 1243 of my Ovarian Cancer Journey. One Thousand and Fourty Three. That seems crazy, impossible but it's true.

This past week has me thinking deeply about my treatment, chemo, surgeries and the things I've been doing to keep the beastie at bay.

Ovarian Cancer is aggressive and persistent. It loves to return and ruin the party. I am lucky to be cancer free for the past year and a half. ( June 17th, 2015) 577 Days so far! That is VERY rare for my diagnosis! I do not take even one single day for granted!

This past week was a little tough as my kidneys are not loving the Avastin that I was taking since August of 2015. I was on it for quite a good long time and for that I am absolutely grateful.

At this point though, the infusions of Avastin are going to start to to more harm than good. I have been removed from that protocol and I have to admit, I do have mixed feelings about this.

Kidney issues are nothing to mess with. I need to be off of Avastin in order for my kidneys to heal. I get that. I'm cool with that and I understand. What I don't like is that being off Avastin gives my system more opportunity to make blood vessels. I don't want bad things to make blood vessels and start problems. I have that weighing on my mind a bit... a lot.

I am a lot different now than I was before I started on this 'Journey'. I never had a care in the world before -- (aside from the same normal cares everyone else has! LOL ) And now this heavy cloud is always right above my head and sometimes I can block it out and sometimes I can't. More often than not, I cannot. I work on that every day.

I am not loving that I am no longer on the Avastin protocol - I had been being monitored every three weeks.. labs, vitals and electrolytes. Now I am just going to be seen every 6 months and I'm honestly VERY uncomfortable with that, knowing what I know about ovarian cancer and it's recurrence rate. I have already had one recurrence and I gotta be honest, I most certainly do not want to have another!!

"I am and always will be the optimist, the hoper of far-flung hopes and the dreamer of improbable dreams.” (11th Doctor)
That quite sums me up quite nicely. I continue to move forward with a positive attitude! I will work my ass off to help those who are going through chemo and also who have completed it. This journey DOES NOT END when CHEMO DOES.

Hugs and a whole lotta love! x

Monday, June 13, 2016

June 13th 2016

Just had my CT scan on Friday - it is clear. No evidence of metastatic disease

Even though the scan is clear and all is well - I still don't feel settled.
I don't expect that I ever will. There's always the, "what if" factor brewing in my mind and it's not even a subconscious thing. It's right there with it's big flag billowing right in the middle of my every single thought.
I'm not complaining. I don't complain. I am just stating facts.

How I feel  9 months into Avastin treatment - 7 months post Carboplatin/Gemzar
*Achey as all get out.
*Some weird pain on the top of my left foot when I walk, move it, touch it etc.
*Shoulders hurt - starts about a week after Avastin infusion and lasts about 10 days.
*Neck pain that hurts so much sometimes it makes my eyes sting. My head feels like it jerks and a pain goes thru my head like lightning. Like whiplash.
*I think I feel tired or worn out sometimes and don't feel like doing stuff.
*Energy levels are definitely not as they were in the "before time" (pre-chemo)
*Appetite - eh
*Neuropathy in fingers and toes is still here but I've learned to ignore it 90% of the time
*Post Infusion Headaches start about 3 days after infusion.
*Unable to lose weight no matter what I do -- Eating well, minimal sugar and junk - activity is same... just cannot lose any weight which is VERY frustrating.

Other than those things, which I feel are relatively mild comparing to other people's issues, I am doing well and going forward one breath at a time!

Thursday, November 5, 2015

Recurrence and chemo...

So since June/July 2015 I've had surgery for a recurrence as well as 5 big chemo infusions, the most recent one being this past monday. I should have one more 'big' chemo on 24th November and then if scans are as they've been (fingers crossed!) I will be done with Carbo and Gemzar and just be on a maintenance dose every three weeks of the Avastin.
I look forward to a more free weekly schedule as going into Philly twice a week (due to my intolerance of the Carboplatin) has started to get a little much what with the kids schedules, Ellie's cheer and all that stuff.

This time around the effects from chemo are much different. The Gemzar is suppressing my white blood count and a pattern has emerged. After 2 Gem/Carbo infusions it's so low that I have needed to back off and take a week off as well as being transfused with 2 units of blood. Ewww.
No seriously, that's so ewww!!! Don't get me wrong, I am in awe and humbled that someone donated their life force to save another's life but when I am sitting there being transfused and am thinking about it.. it's like a bad vampire movie plays in my head.. in reverse. It actually turns my stomach to think about it all so I'm going to stop. HA!

I have not lost my hair with these two chemos but I have noticed that it's thinning considerably and those around me have noticed as well. I'm still on the fence whether or not to shave it off and let it start anew or to see what happens once the chemo is done after the 24th and go from there. It's quite disturbing to run my fingers through my hair and have a handful of hair ... ewww.

This chemo doesn't make me as tired as the Carbo/Taxol did but it does slow me down... a LOT. I am not sleeping a lot during the days so that makes me happy and I'm able to go about my normal routine with relative ease for the most part. I look forward to the end of November when I HOPEFULLY will finish up and be able to just move forward into December with a deep breath and my health!

My theme for this post is simply, Ewww...

Thursday, June 4, 2015

And here I go again

My CT results are in and I won't be all long winded or anything. There's recurrence - It's not touching anything and hasn't invaded my lymphs or organs but it's there and it's a problem and it needs to go. So -- here goes again - Looks like surgery for me in the next few weeks followed by my old friend, chemotherapy. 
It's not the news I wanted but it's a LOT better than news it COULD have been. Just remember, life is about the journey and all the little (and big) moments along the way. Each of these moments help shape us into who we are and who we are also helps shape each of these moments.
Sometimes the journey isn't an easy one so it's crucial that we face it head on, chin up and with bravery but...we can't be brave always and we don't always want to keep that chin up and that's ok. As long as we remember to keep moving forward with a positive mindset, that's all that matters.
My Mindset is permanently set on positive. ‪#‎ovarianCancerWARRIOR‬

Today I received my surgery date. It's June 17th - I don't know what time but I am going to assume it's relatively early because I have to have two procedures done. One is the obvious and the other is a huge hernia that I have which resulted in my 2nd C-Section not healing properly and I coughed and ripped my internal sutures. Its really big (think Nerf football) so I am so lucky that they will be repairing this simultaneously! 

To my fellow chemo warriors past and present- If you've had experience with Avastin or Gemcitabine (Gemzar) I'd love to know what your personal experience with it is/was. I can research myself so if you haven't actually been infused with it, please don't go run and research it and tell me because I can do that on my own. Hhahah!!  I just want to know what people's personal experiences have been with these particular infusions. 

Thanks so much!!! your love, support and comments mean more than you know!

Wednesday, March 25, 2015